E-Mail me with your jokes to be included or
anything else Glenn
Here
are a few to start with
A BOY AND HIS DREAMS
A man goes into his son's room
to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare the man
wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is
scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father
assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie
dies.
One week later, the man again
goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight.
His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his
son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy
had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and
sends him to bed.
The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again
goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight.
His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his
son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had
died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy
to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot
sleep because he is so terrified.
The next day, the man is scared
for his life - he is sure is going to die.
After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a
collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food
poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be
killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and
hides under his desk for saftey.
Upon walking in his front door,
he finds his wife.
"Good God, Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the
worst day of my entire life!"
She responds, "You think
your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this
morning".
back to top
GRANDPA?
Grandpa and granddaugher were
sitting talking when she asked,
"Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little
girl asked him,
"Did God make me too?"
"Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little
girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own
reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was
running through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know,
Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job
lately."
back to top
SOMERSAULTS
Man and his friend meet on the
golf course and decide to finish off the round together.
The friend has a little dog with him and, on the next green when
the friend holes out with a 20 foot putt, the little dog starts
yipping and stands up on its hind legs.
The Man is quite amazed at this clever trick of the dog's and
says, "That dog is really talented! What does it do if you
miss a putt??"
The man replies, "It all depends on how hard I kick it"
back to top
The Amphibious creature
A man walks into a pub with a
huge Newt on his shoulder, barman asks
about this gigantic amphibious creature, what do you call it
then, the
man responds Tiny, the barman splutters Tiny, Tiny its bloody
huge
the man says its my newt
back to top
The string
Three pieces of string walk
into a pub the first one goes to the bar and asks for 3 pints of
lager, the barman says we don't serve your kind in here, the
second one tries and gets the same reply and then the third piece
of string says don't worry lads I'll deal with this and goes to
the toilet to mess his hair up. When he goes to the bar and asks
for the drinks the barman says your a piece of string arent you
and here plies, no I'm a frayed not.
back to top
The Pill
A lady goes to the doctor and
complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor
gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and
tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. So, that
night at dinner, she does. About a week later she's back at the
doctor. She says, "Doc, the pill worked great!! I put it in
the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes and he jumps
up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips
all my clothes off and ravages me right there on the table!"
The doctor says, "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was
that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any
damages." "Naah... ", she says, "that's okay.
We aren't going back to that Restaurant anyway."
back to top
back